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cute Valsari The Storm (Character)

3 posts in this topic


Hey guys, I've created a short kinda story-cute-thingy on imgur so check it out.  

Would you be interested in full story from Valsari like Origins and or (suggestions) something like that. 
I would love to write a short novel-ish kinda story for this character.  

So I don't upload the whole thing again I'll just drop imgur link here.  



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I thought the synopsis was bit lack luster, but ignoring that, it felt almost like a script since it was just dialogue and without the use of any descriptions to set the mood(and the pictures didn't particularly help with their dull gray background). it just felt like narration to me with a few personal thoughts thrown in. The section where you explain skills was just utterly boring, it wasn't interesting and it completely disrupted the flow of the story to that point. There was some attempt at comedy in the reference to Bruce Lee, but the execution was poor and failed to make me laugh (can't say the same for others though). You also tend to use way too many exclamation marks which just became annoying. If there was one thing I would change, I would stop relying on pictures to set up the scene for you and rely on your words instead, also make the synopsis more interesting and maybe have the characters move around for a change.

Conclusion: Felt like I was playing a shitty Galge, and considering I don't enjoy those types of stories, it made my experience even worse. I think you should try a approach to storytelling; This just isn't cutting it and I don't think I could read a fully story in this manner.

Note: This is just my interpretation, I am in no way or manner skilled at analyzing text. This is just the general impression I received from reading it. If you find my criticism rude or offensive towards you in anyway, just let me know and i'll get rid of it.

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*le snip*

Harsh, but fair. To an extent, I agree with Suri's analysis.

Imgur is not the best outlet for storytelling, especially when there is not much going on in the pictures to really help carry the story along.

I WOULD be interested in a story of the character (I actually plan to make a thread like that myself in a bit), but perhaps try focusing more on words than pictures if you do make that story! Try telling us who the character is, their backstory up until a certain point, et cetera...don't know too much about BDO lore myself, so I can't really say much else, but yeah.


Keep at it, I look forward to that short story of yours!

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